Nonononono.... Chelsea cannot be kicked out of the FA Cup only in the 4th round! Unthinkable! Please please please please please. If I don't blog about this I swear I'll go into fits of unrestrained... anger? denial? depression?

Not against Everton! Omigod. WHY. I know it's still in the midst of the game but when half time's over and your side is down by 1, you yearn for that draw that would provide the replay. That's the second best hope before the clear cut advancement. I think I'm going mad, my hands are trembling at the thought of a defeat. There WILL not be a defeat. There will be a miracle. I only hope to goodness there will be. I knew I shouldn't have turned on the computer to 'watch' the game. I should have waited until the final result when nothing I do or say can change the outcome. Then I need not wait in breathless anticipation but shriek with joy at a victory, sigh at a draw, or go straight to bed and curl up to wallow in soft sheets that provide little comfort.

Chelsea have a little less than half an hour. Don't break my heart.

I went to get cultured yesterday. Visited the Art Museum with YY and Sonya. It certainly brought back memories of Primary School days where we went for these field trips to get educated and the main memories I have of those trips is running around trying to get answers to fill up on worksheets that we were expected to hand in to show that we HAD learnt something. Anyway, you may think it boring but I love going to the Stamp Museum. Though it isn't called that (I can't remember what it's called) that's my favourite museum. They have a TinTin stamp exhibit right now!

I got my pay too. For 8 days of work, I certainly did not expect to see such a huge sum (in my opinion) written on the check. Club21 really pays you down to the minute (or quarter of an hour) so I ended up with XXX.50. I know it isn't nice to boast about your pay especially in a public blog but the first X is 5 and no it isn't close to 600. That would have been too much. I'm happy.

I'm still feeling hungry for substantial food. Been eating bread too many days in a row due to mum's chicken curry that's been reheated for dinner for a few days or a hurried lunch. I need a good steak or a good dinner. Something satisfying.

This seems boring. My life seems relatively boring with nothing much of interest happening lately. Somehow I seem okay with it. Perhaps we're all lapsing into a monotony that's comfortable. I don't know. Oh well. Maybe something interesting will happen tomorrow when I go out for some last minute CNY shopping. Maybe I'll meet a cute guy. =)

My heart breaks to see 1-1 as the final score for Chelsea-Charlton. I find in me annoyance at Charlton because of the earlier Carling Cup Third Round that they won through penalities at Stamford Bridge. How dare you take points away from my beloved. How dare you kick us out of the Carling Cup. Haha.

But then... Man United did Chelsea a favour by beating Liverpool in the 90 (1) minute! So our lead is still at a healthy 14 points in front of Man U and 12 points in front of Liverpool (if they win their 2 games in hand that is) Thank You United. Hmm... I might not be saying that the next time but for now... much thanks.

The Barcelona game is worrying me. I know it's in Feb but still, I rather focus on Barca against Chelsea than me against the A levels. Apparantly MOE has decided to release the results a couple of weeks earlier or maybe it's only one week but why do they have to do such a thing like that. Unless you tell me right now that I've got 2 As then I won't worry. No use talking about 'what ifs' and the alternative options because there will be no adequate answer good enough to quell my fears. You yourself know how it was like after the papers and if you felt you did well, you probably did. Experience has taught me that. Why am I talking about the As. I should be looking forward to the Chinese New Year while I still can.

While I'm still in the below 20 age group, I shall continue to enjoy getting Hong Baos and not being asked "so, do you have a boyfriend yet?" I'm surprised the relatives haven't asked that question yet. They're still asking "How's your studies?" And at least I can hold my head up high and say "I'm in VJ" ... Then maybe after the results I will hang my head in shame. I shall stun them one day and say "yes I am attached. To a girl" Just kidding. But don't you think it's such a shame when people go overseas for a holiday just to avoid being asked that question. (I mean, CNY has great great food) Then again, what's the point in meeting relatives and making small talk with people you aren't very close to and trying to have a good time? I guess every side has its story. I have a full 3 visitation day thing planned, maybe some of them are like just for half a day but at least it's something to fill my days.

I know my reason now for wearing branded stuff. The quality is just stunning. I just wore my new skirt from CK which has a silk lining that feels absolutely fantastic against your skin. It's so soft and light. I never wore silk before because I couldn't afford it but thanks to the CK bazaar I now have 2 skirts made of silk. Considering if I should get back to HR and tell them I want to work for Armani Exchange. But there may not be positions avaliable since somehow or other many people want to work for AX. I don't blame them. But I think part-timers like me can't get staff discount. I wasn't suppose to for CK but since they were already on sale...

I still have to get some new clothes for CNY so anyone up for some shopping?

Thursday was my last day doing the CK bazaar. As expected, there was chaos when it came to the repacking and with it the sense of something good coming to an end. Of course I don't mean the customers who demand tip top service but the people whom I've worked with for the past 8 days. I certainly didn't expect to become so close to 4 guys to the extent that we could kid around and joke and laugh the same way I sometimes do with my guy classmates (maybe more towards Keith) I mean, a week and we're suaning each other already?

Haha... It's really bad suaning. Calling me the A level student because I'm the only one who's done my As, the rest of them are waiting for their Os after doing their N. I think Melvin started it. And just because I said "It rained?" after work when the roads was wet and Joven said "No, watering plants" they continuously did that for the next few days by telling me that they had just watered the plants when we stepped out of the staff entrance at Isetan. I really will miss them and their antics. Haha, Nicholas swung a hanger around and whacked a person he thought was Thomas but it wasn't. Talking with Nick is fun, he comes to talk to me sometimes and sits at the fitting room when his legs are tired and then we get scoulded (jokingly) because it seems as though we're too free.

We started packing stuff today at 8 plus and there was this lady that demanded to know why we were packing and not allowing people to see and buy. Thomas told her politely that it was the last day and we had to pack. She then said that Isetan closes at 930 and looked very annoyed about it. Thomas told her "If we pack at 930, we don't need to go home tonight" We told Hugh and he said "Don't care la, this kind of people" He commented that he's been fucked so many times because of people commenting on the no trying of tops rule. Sale what, can't help it. Haha, he's such a character that I've never met before! We've been irritated, ignored, and screamed at by people who don't want to see the reason behind the rule that I've been rolling my eyes at Angel so many times. She's been really nice too, she's actually from the office but came down to help. She lets me try stuff because she wants to try stuff too. The guys always kid me about me lazing around doing nothing but standing there because I stand at the fitting room all the time. Then I tell them I have to rehang the clothes people try, tell them no trying of tops and taking their tops and helping Angel or Hugh with the passing of the clothes to the customers after they've paid the bill. And they go "ya ya..." Haha. There was also this weird Indian lady who said that by not allowing her to try the tops in the fitting room we were violating some sort of human rights and treating people like cows. Like what the, right? Joven and I just spoke in chinese that she was being unreasonable.

And I've bought quite a number of clothing because of the staff discount-the extremely good staff discount. I've suddenly become so brand conscious in the one week of working at CK under Club 21 which houses the Armani family, DKNY, Mambo, Song+Kelly21, Maxmara that it just feels slightly wrong. The sales people there know their fashion. They have to. Especially if you're the manager. So it has cemented the need in me to earn loads of money to afford Club 21 stuff and not have to buy them during a sale. (BTW, most of their stuff should be dry cleaned to preserve the fabric, most people say "cheap cheap" and forget that it's expensive originally for a reason)

Thanks to all those who came down to see me.

Hugh, Angel, Nicholas, Thomas, Melvin, Joven. We bought a cake to thank Hugh and Angel for taking care of us. Sinfully chocolatey. You guys made working there fun and I couldn't have asked for a better working relationship than I had with these people. What's the saying "If we have fate, we will surely meet again" I hope so, because I miss kidding around with you all. I had a really good time.

Friday was hell. It really was. Try standing on your feet for more than 12 hours. I broke down crying while waiting for a cab because we ended so late-close to midnight. The driver was really nice to me and it sort of calmed me down. I never felt so exhausted. Stationed at the fitting room because I was the only girl and having to deal with ks Singaporeans and people who simply don't understand 'you cannot try tops'. Common sense would tell you that includes shirts and sweaters. Common sense isn't common.

Calvin Klein. From 400 to 40. Of course people go mad. I personally never like going for this kind of huge sale because you never can try tops and it's so messy and squeezy. Now I have a new found respect for people in the retail industry and am glad that I never treated salespeople shabbily. (Unless they're incredibly snooty). I mean, look, it's a bloody sale, you CAN'T expect to get tip top service (like trying on tops, more than 3 pieces etc) You either sacrifice the price or the customer service.

Some of the customers are so mean, they look at me like I'm idiotic when I tell them no trying of tops and they go "but then how to see if can fit?" My response is "cannot try in fitting room, can only wear over your clothes cos it's a sale" And they continue giving me disgusted looks. Assholes. My boss, Hugh, told me that after a while you just don't care because you're better than them (or something to that effect was how he seemed to mean it). After a while, (been working for 3 days now and getting used to it and actually liking it) I just give the moronic ones fake smiles and inwardly smile vindictively that they cannot try the stuff. (Even better when Hugh uses his voice rather condescendingly (I think) to echo my statements-if you heard him you'll understand what I mean) I've been hanging and rehanging so much stuff. It never stops. People like throwing pants over the racks and covering the clothes and making messes. I cannot feel my feet but somehow as the days go by it gets better which is why I'm still up (at the same time watching the Chelsea match) and not conked off.

Some customers are nice. They ask you how long you've been doing this and they treat you like a human being and not a slave. Some of the guys flirted with me while waiting to try their stuff and they also modelled stuff for me. My answers and smiles are always geninue when dealing with people who see reason and treat me nicely. Some other stupid ones grab at the stuff I've just rehung at the 'waiting rack' before it gets sent back to its rack. Some stupid ones don't mean their sorry when the stuff falls off and I have to rehang. It's obvious that you don't go fooling around trying to see clothes and sizes when the clothes are one on top of another being hung on a stand that bears the signs "non-refundable non exchangable no trying of tops 3 pieces only". Some people are just plain stupid.

I guess working in the retail industry is okay, (especially since I get even more discounts and if you come visit me and buy stuff you'll get the discounts too heh) just don't do a sale if you're not used to standing for 12 hours.

I really like my co-workers, they make working there fun. Joven, Thomas, Nicholas, Melvin. Thomas and his shoes and always helping me get the hangers when I need them, Nicholas and his pants- always trying to sort out the mess the people make, Joven who has to guard the exits and overseas the wagons with the ladies stuff and comes the earliest the past few days and Melvin who takes care of the dress racks.

It's really an experience. You see all sorts of people. You learn things. Even though I don't LOVE it, I'm glad nonetheless that I agreed to do this bazaar.

4 more days. The weekend crowd has thankfully passed.

Apparently it's at Wisma Isetan... Near the jewellery there. But unfortunately Isetan has lots of rules- so I can't entertain people. I guess if you wanna see me, you've gotta pretend you're buying stuff and I'm serving you. Oh well.

It's really tough. Clothes don't hang themselves on the shelf you know.

Sad sad. Apparently not many people read my blog because the tagging on the board is still sadly unchanged for the past few days. Maybe I should get a site hit counter so that I can stroke my ego when I see the numbers jump and know that people do read my blog-people who wish to remain invisible when all I would like to do is congratulate you on your astute-ness in allowing yourself to be involved in my world.

My television remote hand is feeling bruised and sore. It is my right hand in case anyone's interested. It is also extremely important to me. I must have raised it so many times yesterday with my channel surfing, video recording and volume changing. I was attempting to fit in a few days worth of TV because as of today, I will be starting work under CK (Club 21) at Taka at the open area next to all the food. It is a whole day thing hence no TV for the next week. Today's merely the unpacking so I have the privilage of sleeping in. It's only for a week so if you people want to come down and poke fun at me, you only have one week to do it! But please, do buy something in exchange for doing so.

I cannot imagine going back to school when it's time for University. I fear my brains would have been fried by then. While guys will return having their brains filled with "yessirs", being "takan", learning how to sleep with their rifle tied to them, battling fearsome beasts like treefrogs and grass-snakes and accomplishing all sorts of grueling tasks meant to turn them from boys to men, I will have accomplished... trying to sell things. Pales in comparision. (Of course I have the utmost respect for our army guys, Guide's Honour) It definitely isn't an easy peasy lemon squeezy thing to do-going to the army.

Time to brave the torrential rains in an effort to get to Town for THE JOB.

I'm tired of waiting, waiting and somemore endless waiting that proves fruitless and serves only to fill me with a dull ache of emptiness. Whataparadox...

It's easy to get filled up again. The experience of worshipping the Lord and reading His word and having fellowship makes me feel purposeful. Alive. Doing ushering again after months of not doing so (presumably not asked when it was PoP's turn because of the As) just made me happy I was serving the Lord.

Baking almond cookies with my mum and sis and talking about Narnia with its symbolicism brought pleasant surprises when my sis told me she knew and remembered the references and parallels to Christianity.

The unendless downpours have made my semi-flu-sore-throat-cough slightly worse because the voice has taken on a deeper sleepier tone. This self medicating thing is clearly not working well. At least I have a couple of days to stay in bed full time and recover. I shall give in and go to the doctor's.

I have clearly lost my inspiration to continue my fiction because as each chapter wears on, the ablilty to find new twists is waning. My next draft looks promising but I cannot bear to complete it because promising it may be, it does not shout out 'great'. I'll probably redo it.

I feel quite wordless if you asked me to describe what I'm feeling these days. Sometimes I'm submerged in feelings of happiness and love because of the people around me but at others the lonliness and need for intoxication just becomes overwhelming. Is it because suddenly our lives no longer require us to study and we somehow lose the focus that has been governing us for more than half of our lives? I really don't like the idea that studying is our purpose.

Because it isn't. I've witnessed God's miracles. And believe that no matter how bad/good our situation may be, there is always a purpose. God's plan. And with the benefit of that great thing called 'hindsight', it's easy to see the rage and furstration over bad things was needed to mould our character and whatever has happened... Happened for a reason. (Even if we didn't really understand it at that point)

I feel a bit like a blob. Especially when I'm not feeling well at the mo and just lazing on the bed.

Have this sudden craving for sushi but not for all things Japanese. Especially so not for watching Anime or reading my Manga. No no... because then my craving for sushi would probably turn into my craving for a nice Fuuma like/ Seishirou like/Yuuto like kind of guy. The sauve debonair kind that would sweep me off my feet.

With the exception of Yuuto, the other two are really quite faithful guys. Except they do flirt quite bit but what the hell am I doing typing this out.

FA Cup Third Round tonight. How exciting!! A break from the Premiership.

Today's Sec 1 Orientation provided the usual suspects and almost usual stations cum gadgets cum gateway together with lots and lots of rain. The usual. More and more unfamiliar faces as the years past and you just know you're getting old when you hear yourself say you've been in Guides for 6 years. And we even had a guest star today, one whom I've not seen in 2 years! Grace See!! Yes, the lovable lame joke See who's only managed to grow prettier and look so diffferent in 2 years. Still the same... Loving the Myking and KFC. Oh the memories of when we were but wee little lower secondary school guides. That girl should have made contact with me ages ago! =)

I cannot believe how young I used to look when glancing through the photo albums.

And Sam has managed to put a little snag into my UK plans. She's just confirmed (given a reality check to me rather) that yes, the weather in London is cold and dreary and the people may be a little unfriendly and the most horrifying thing of all: No American TV shows. Let me just ask you how I'm supposed to survive without CSI, Law & Order, America's Next Top Model, The OC, Survivor, Desperate Housewives... Oh my goodness, when you kind of write all the shows that I watch down, it's pretty amazing I had time to study that much this year.

Lucky thing they were one after another. As in, one show's season is over before another takes it's place. And I always finish my studying before watching TV.

But nevermind. Always pros and cons. Always will have my Chelsea. My Stamford Bridge. My favourite manager and team. At least the manager and team should still stay roughly the same in the years that I'll be there. Ha. If I manage to get there.

Teeheehee. Woah. That's definitely a word I haven't seen in a long time around here!

If you ever get into any company's human resource department, it pays to be nice and warm.

So I told HR at Club21 about my piano woes and my internship and it kind of worked out for the better since the guy was really nice about it and asked me to just work for a bazaar event at Taka from 12th to 20th (also for CK) and then come back to him after my internship.

Omigod. Thanks so much. It means that I won't have problems like 'do I have to work during CNY' and actually have a week or two's break before going for the internship (which I really think I won't be paid). My only problem is yes the piano thing because grr... I hope she's accomodating enough to let me switch my times around.

While I will have to invest in a couple of black shirts (nice ones) and a comfortable pair of black sneakers, I'll still be earning maybe around 400 bucks for the time I'll be working! I really hope I recover from the flu by then. Don't want to faint on the spot.

Fuck.

Things just happen all at once to someone like me.

I wait a couple of weeks to hear from the law internship and have to contend with my parents nagging at me to do something other than stay at home. So when I actually take the initiative to call up club21, go for an interview on the same day (mind you I was feeling sick) and am offered a tentative job (with decent pay but rather shiong hours) at CK, I thought that things were actually looking up.

Until I found out from my piano teacher that she can't take me for lessons early Saturday morning so most prob she'll want a weekday. And the thing is that my day offs aren't confirmed. And basically most parts of the job isn't confirmed except my pay...

Until I found out that my law internship contacted me and I can start on 7 Feb after CNY which is perfect but I also only have the internship for 2 weeks. I'm not even sure if I'm going to get paid.

So since my dad kind of gave me an ultimatum that I SHOULD take the internship-basically telling me that I'm useless and picky and lazy since I happen to be sleeping in everyday until 11 which the only reason I'm doing so is because I'm trying to recover from a flu, I'm left wondering if I can still take the job at CK, (provided I sort out all my piano problems), request for leave for 2 weeks and then go back. I don't think so. This kind of thing does not happen to people like me.

And the thing is that while I'm interested to take law, I was actually quite happy to do sales at CK. The world of retail isn't exactly for me but this is higher end brands we're talking about. And I'm beginning to think extremely seriously about making going to UK a reality. To do international relations. Not law.

Okay whatever. I have an internship. I'm grateful for that. Now I have to sort out my club21 problems. Screw this.

I shall wage a cold war with a father incapable of understanding his daughter. Yes, I am being immatured. But I'm sick and tired of this shit.

I feel like stabbing myself.

For being a prize idiot.
For wasting a friend's time.
For having that friend tell me it's okay that I wasted his time. (Which makes it worse)
For witnessing the distance grow.
For actually thinking things would go back to a few years ago.

The letteropener is looking way too fine for me to stab myself.
And my laziness and inability to do something and have confidence in myself is just killing me.